When is it that you know something is over? There is no button that you push that makes you stop feeling, and there is no such thing called closure. Similarly, there is no specific point at which something begins. It just starts, and before you know it, you're in too deep.
Layla went to bed that night, not even the least bit exhausted. Yet, she wanted to get a good night sleep as she was vacationing with some of the people that she had moved on from, and some who were still in her life. Precisely for that reason, she chose a single occupancy room. Time alone was needed... so bad!
She curled into a ball, fighting the pain of seeing the emotional drama that day. First was a confession by an old friend, that he had screwed up her short romantic relationship with someone she was in too deep with. Complete cut-off after total dependency. The first time, it took the life out of her, and then she just got used to people leaving. It had given her a few jitters to hear that after three years of her not talking to either of them, and she stormed out of the room. Apologies followed.
There was a knock on the door, which was weird as it was 2 am, and she was the last one to go to bed, as she was the only one to stay sober through the day. Layla's best friend from 7 years back came to check up on her, slightly tipsy. He sat by her side and talked to her about whatever happened that day. It was a little relieving to have a normal conversation after hours of going crazy.
They talked about the tantrum that she had thrown after the confession. It was mostly about apologies. She had screamed and shouted things like "what the hell have I ever done anything to either of you to have been screwed over again and again", over the littlest apologies. It all came down to the series of wrong people in her life, at the most vulnerable time. There was probably no 'right' time for it, because vulnerability knew her by name now.
"I'm glad you're here, of all people", she said to her friend, adding that she will probably never be able to take anything anyone says on face value anymore. After an hour of good conversation, he left the room, and she thought that she was ready to sleep.
Next, she woke up at 4 am and saw someone sitting next to her, watching her sleep. It was a guy she had fallen in love with once, loved and cared for him with all her heart. It had been months they hadn't spoken, which had taken a toll on her, but she convinced herself its all for the best. The world was scary without him, and ironically, that night he scared her by being on her side at that hour.
He left a picture of them both next to her. She recognized the picture. It was a gift she had given to him when they met the last time before things went wrong. The gift was being returned as a token of closure. He kissed Layla's forehead after she gave him a puzzled look, and left.
She lay there with the picture in her hand, thinking of the many more encounters that had taken place. She wanted to wallow and die. Apologies are too easy, she thought. They will probably never know what she went through on getting to know the incidents that brought upon the apologies.
