Lighten Up!

I have a little sister, five years younger to me. Today, she graduated high school. In another five months, she will be in her first year of college. Suddenly it hit me, that it has been five years since I passed that phase.

In high school, we weren't strung on to things that happened to us five years back; but somehow, we are now. Some things that happened in the first or second year of college are still stuck to my heart with a pretty effective glue.

That little fight between three friends during the last phase of the first year of college. The grudge still carries on till date. How can we be so unforgiving?

It was a pleasant rainy day. The showers came to a halt for a while, and so it began. We went out for the usual stroll in the campus. Suddenly, her phone rang. She had to leave to spend the wonderful day with her better half.

My friend and I had a load of time to spend with each other ever since she had started dating. Both of us bore a dejected feeling, but didn't admit to it. We carried on making the best of our time, or at least giving it our best shot.

Days went by and I got lost into other friendships. The magical days were over. The three of us had split.

Nevertheless, we found company; but never too permanent. He used to come see me every day. I thought I knew him well. But one day, he didn't turn up. I was worried. Turns out he had woken up that day and decided not to show up anymore. Worst part is, he didn't even care.

I tried looking for more connections, but a half-hearted attempt was being made. It went on for so long, that I started believing there was something wrong with me.

I did learn my lesson - of not giving up on myself. Someone else came along, after my cause felt lost. It felt right, the way he never gave up on my happiness. The person who takes up all the pain from you is the one to be described with the least words, and through the maximum feelings. I'll leave it to that.

I found a few more connections, but none of them as real. Some left, some got lost; but somehow, I reminisce all of them with equal fondness. I had categorized the connections into relevant and OKAY relevant; but why did they all come gushing down my mind like a downstream river?

There are many things that you cannot, will not forget in life. You certainly grow up; but you never forget the first few real friends you made, your first falling out, the first time someone leaves you, and the first time someone rescues you from all of it. It stays in your heart and mind all your life. It's like the 'soul-mate' you may still often think of.

Choose Your Couple...

I sat outside a cafe, ready to start writing. Writing - The only one thing that I love to bits.

Somehow, I felt like I should take a break from the heavy, and go for the light-hearted humor. I began looking around, struggling hard to look for 'that' perfect couple.

Couple 1: 

Meeting fixed by the parents (for considering each other as prospects for marriage. Yes, the ridiculous concept of arranged marriage). The girl, about 23 years old and extremely pretty, was trying her best to be coy and nice. I could read from her fake smile how much she hated this. The guy, however, was not quite the hunk. He looked around uncomfortably. 

"I don't like this song at all", said the girl, about the beautiful song playing in the cafe.

Guy, to himself, "I'm guessing I should ask the server to change to something more Backstreet Boy-ish; I cannot marry her. She has a miserable music taste! She's pretty, and I may never get a girl like that. But she's not the one. She just said something negative abut a Foo Fighters song. She can't be it".

"It's just fine, I guess", he mumbled in reply.

Both of them take a sip of coffee.

The girl had ordered a caramel coffee, while the guy went for the simple and nice Irish coffee without the Irish part (if you know what I mean).

"So, read a book recently?" The guy tries to strike a conversation, and apparently that's his idea of small talk. I wish I could tell the poor soul that he was inviting a mood-breaking reply.

"I just finished reading the last part of Twilight. It was so awesome!" she jumped with excitement.

The guy silently went back to his coffee, wishing he had never asked.

"Your profile said that you love playing the guitar. Can you play Bryan Adams?" Here came the question that he dreaded!

"Umm, no, I'm not much into pop", he shifted down in his chair a little. Boy the discomfort!

Sip by sip, the conversation got more awkward. Two extremely opposite individuals were trying to make small talk. Good heavens.

Couple 2:

A couple entered the cafe, holding hands. They sat right next to where I was sitting. They seemed cute and nauseating at the same time. Love was definitely in the air between them (needless to say, there wasn't much).

He ordered for both of them, and she seemed to love his choice. She played on his phone as he stared at her, running his fingers through her hair and looking at her like his two year old. The affection, protectiveness and possessiveness came bouncing right out of his eyes. 

"When we move in, I'll gift you a new phone. Then you can play all those games on it and probably stop stealing mine all the time", he teased her.

"We don't do gifts! Don't even think about it. I will never stop playing with your phone anyway", she replied, still engaged in the game.

The dessert he ordered arrived, and they began eating it. With every bite, I could see that they were meant to be. It was just the aura they had around themselves; full of joy - something quite rarely found.

A genuine plea to all who are reading - If you have the chance to look for love, do try. Don't give up just because someone broke your heart, or you're too lazy. The choice is absolutely yours - You can end up being in an awkward couple, or a couple where the two people love each other, even when they hate each other (Credits: Grey's Anatomy).

The Best You Can Do...

Him...

Reality. He walked towards her house, hoping that the steps never end. Dreading the reality that he would have to face, he walked slowly. It was an emergency, but the reality was frightening.

He thought of the day when he last took that route. The purple and orange leaves freshening up the atmosphere, dropping with the wind; just like how she may have today.

A car passed him by, and swooshed him out of his happy place, putting him right into the spot of misery. Contemplating the level of damage, he immersed himself into reverie again. He imagined himself holding her, trying to lower the pain; but something held him back. Could it have been the way she had talked to him the last time? It wasn't her fault, though. He did manage to get himself into trouble this time. Serious trouble.

He felt his heart sink to the bottom, and remembered that sordid moment. The temptation of a minute second, the aftermath of which did not work in his favor at all. She followed a graceful approach of striking his guilt, though. Did she try to pull herself together after that? It wasn't supposed to be easy, he thought.

The entrance door to her house was open. He let himself in.

Her...

She just got home from a crazy night shift. Every part of her body ached; she hadn't slept for days. Faith was elusive at the moment. She brushed away the momentary, yet lingering thought and got up to fix herself some breakfast. Looking out the window, she realized that winters were approaching. The dew looked pretentious, and the chill that she almost felt on her drying up skin seemed to tear her away from the world.

She finally mustered the courage to write a diary entry. Repeating the morbid memory over and over again in her head had led to this. The only thought that seemed to appeal to her a little, was that she could get it out on paper and get it over with. She sat on the table, with a glass of wine she sipped as she planned to start. Words froze.

Giving up, she just went to bed with the drab and dead feeling. She needed to have people around. Human contact was now restricted to the five hour shift that she worked. It was hard, as she wasn't able to bring herself to talk about what happened with her. What he did. Deception didn't let her live or die. Suicide was not an option.

She took out her cell phone and sent him a text message that said, 'I die today', to him. God knows what came over her, to send that text to him! She had vowed never to talk to him again, unless the subject matter contained a list of abuse words (which she hadn't managed either). The wine went down slowly, and she became drowsy. The last she saw was a glimpse of him walking through the door.

Them...

He took her to the hospital. She was diagnosed of pneumonia. There was no sign of her taking any medicines for curing it. By the looks of it, she wasn't even aware that she was coming down with something. It had dragged on long enough to be deadly.

He sat beside her, cradling her head in his arms. Her pale white skin made the guilt grow stronger. He had brought her so close to death. It was him. He did a horrible thing out of temptation, and walked away without a second thought. Abandonment flushed the health out of her.

Three months, he avoided her. 92 days. 2208 unending hours of utterly depressing thoughts. How does a person live on feeling the guilt of almost killing the girl that he loves? Walking away was not the last option, but he did it anyway.

He sat there, staring at her, feeling an increasing amount of remorse with every beep that indicated her heart was beating. He sat there, because it was too late to be able to take the situation in his hands. It was the best that he could do.

Love-and-Hope Relationship...

Dear Love

It's been way too long since you left. My aura misses the exhilaration that you brought to it. The rooms are empty as ever. I thought I heard your voice while sleeping on your side of the bed. Hallucinations have become a part of my schedule after the last time I saw you. If I knew it would be the last time in a long, never-ending span, I wouldn't have unwrapped you from my embrace.
The voice may be a hallucination, but the fragrance was real. Definitely. I think I'm running out of the perfume that you wore. It's the only memory I have left of you. I should buy a new bottle soon. It reminds me of every time my  hoodie and hair have smelled of you after you cuddled with me.
Dear Love, I hope you're doing okay. I wish you could keep in touch with me as you promised to. It's okay, no blaming now! You're looking for a new life, and I'm yet to start. It was I who decided to part. I will remember that and try to make myself feel better.
Remember the letter you wrote to me? I still have it. I read it when I feel low. I still think of you. Love, I might sound rather low right now, but I'm honest to God happy that you're trying to move on! We had our moments, and I will live with them. Heavens know I don't want to put anyone else through what I put you. I know I was, and still am a handful. Romantics like me, who are bound by independence (ironic?) find it difficult to cope up with the fear. Fear of what? Don't ask me Love. You know I have yet to figure it out.
I know you miss me, and would love to read this letter. But Love, how can I let you know I'm fragile? I need to be strong for you. I need to ensure that YOU are okay. Just breathe for me, and you'll be just fine. Brilliant, actually. Follow the five stages of grief - denial - anger - bargaining - depression - acceptance (in no particular order), and you'll be okay. Remember me when you feel depressed. You always have a piece of me, and I always have a piece of you. You used to ask me how the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fit, and I used to answer correctly - Perfectly. That's how our pieces fit.

Yours always
Hope

Parody...

She turned 25 today. Her life represented slight shades of grey now. The black was supposed to be over, to be done with. She took in the fragrance around her, feeling a rush of an unexpected, yet overwhelming high. For the first time in three years, she felt happy. There were a lot of rare things that she felt that day too - Hopeful, satisfied, enthusiastic, positive. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this way.

Yet, there was a cringe. She flinched at the thought of the moment being fleeting. After all, she was 25 now. The good feeling won't last for long. In another month, someone else will take over her fate. Not someone who wishes badly for her; but her own well wishers, unknowingly trying to slaughter her ambitions - The sole factor which makes her who she is. The world calls her selfish, but she thinks of it as being self-sufficient. Like a country having and using its own resources, not willing to trade with others. Why would it, when it can have a life full of wants that it can fulfill on its own?

The mystique in her life, transient as it was, will be turned into a parody by her own loved ones. They will bring in a line of characters moving in and out, fluttering, to try and stay in her life. Not willing to accept, or rather even try to enhance their awareness about her wit. Disrespecting the fact that she has had experiences that were harder to survive, than a rock piercing one's chest. That she is way more grown up than they could ever be. No one can even begin to evaluate the pain she has taken on her shoulders. None of them will come close to being as strong as she was, while trying to cope with it.

What her loved ones want for her is opposed to her being. A choice needs to be made, just so that they can relieve their fears of their young one going against 'nature's law'. I wish they would accept that the law is human-made, and has plenty of scope for an incredible debate. I hope against all hope that they do not ask her to give it all up for a knot that she doesn't want to tie.